26 Weeks: Advice of a (not so-new) Mom

Apparently, 25 weeks was a busy one. I didn’t have time to post, my apologies. Just a small recap of last week’s highlights in baby-growing land:

·      Two of the coolest babies were born to two of the best people I know. Both were boys and, I’m hoping, will grow up to be as wonderful of friends to my little man as their moms were to me. I’m so proud of both of you!

·      September is just around the corner so I have been busily setting up this year’s classroom and anticipating this year’s students. Trust me, at this point, I don’t move with such vigor as I once did. I think it’s called waddling…I’m pretty sure that’s how you would describe my movements within the classroom and school these last few weeks.

·      My husband’s birthday is this week so Saturday we embarked on a journey to Ford Field (I know, in Michigan, that doesn’t seem like a journey, but to a pregnant woman, it’s considered a journey!) to see Tim McGraw and Kenny Chesney in the Brothers of the Sun tour. 

·      Little Man is growing like a weed and is making sure I know it. Do you know what I also know? He no longer enjoys some fan favorites in my household (like Mexican Monday, sleeping on my back, and NOT getting up at 5 AM), and makes me well aware of his tastes on a daily basis. 

As I am about to embark on my second turn as a “new” mom, I realized that I have the same worries and concerns as any “first time” mother. Let’s face it: we are all “new” moms every time we have a baby, not just the first. This left me thinking about all of the new moms in my life, and the ones who are about to be new moms. The following is a compilation of my advice (and limited experience) as a “new” mom, take it or leave it.

 Your baby is only a baby for a very short while. After that, they become a toddler, and then this whole cool person that walks and talks and is fairly independent. So many studies suggest that you shouldn’t spend vast amounts of time holding your newborn or even not-so-newborn. Screw the experts. HOLD YOUR BABY, and encourage your partner to do so as well! And don’t feel bad doing so. There will come a point in time where you won’t be able to pick him/her up at every whim and cuddle. Holding your baby will not cause the following conditions: childhood obesity, spoiled rotten-ness, diabetes, etc. What it will cause is an unbreakable bond. Trust me, it’s worth it.

     Take pictures, a lot of them. Show those pictures off, every stinking one of them. Even the 35 Baby-looks-exactly-the-same-with-the-same-pose pictures, those will be the most treasured when your baby goes off to college and gets married. The one thing I have yet to regret is the vast amount of “same looking” shots I was able to capture those early days. And, even though you hated them as a teenager, take the bath shots. Just do it, they’re great! You will want to remember every bit possible of your baby’s first days and months.

        DAYCARE IS EXPENSIVE….and scary to a new mom. I remember thinking, “A complete stranger can’t possibly take care of my baby as well as I can!” I was right, and you will be too. The best thing for your baby is you and your partner. However, in this day and age, it’s not always realistic to be a stay at home mom. Let’s face it, most new moms should own stock in diaper and formula companies. If family and close friends offer to watch your baby FOR FREE as you go back to work, please don’t hesitate (too much). They wouldn’t be offering if they didn’t want to do it. And the next best thing to you for your baby?! The people you surround yourself with that love you unconditionally. Harper spent the months of her first summer being taken care of by nothing but family and close friends. She now has a very special bond with each and every one of those people because of it.

     A healthy mommy is a happy mommy. PLEASE TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF when baby comes home. I learned this one the hard way. I was so concerned that Harper was well taken care of that I often forgot to nourish myself and, in general, take care of myself. PLEASE EAT, and if you are nursing, EAT AND DRINK PLENTY OF FLUIDS. Doctor’s and my orders!

        While I completely understand (and others will too) the spit-up stains and day or two old hair and makeup, feel free to put on a clean pair of sweats and do your hair for the day. You will feel better. If baby is sleeping, sneak in a shower and maybe a chapter or two of a good book. You will feel so much better and baby will feel your comfort and time to yourself. Believe or not, babies sleep. And when they do, you should use that time to do something for yourself: sleep if you need to, shower, put on a little makeup even if your partner and baby will be the only ones seeing it that day. You will be much more content at the end of the day.

     Unless you have a red cape and blue boots stashed in the back of your closet, you aren’t a super hero. You cannot do this alone. Please, don’t try; just take my word for it. I learned this the hard way. I HAD to prove to everyone (and when I say “everyone”, I mainly mean myself) that I could be the BEST first time mom out there and do everything on my own. That.was.dumb. It left me utterly exhausted at the end of a day. Exhaustion for a new mom should come from taking care of your new baby, not from doing that on top of keeping a spotless house and a happy husband. Trust me, hubby can take a back seat for a few months. Which brings me to my next point:

        Superhero’s are overrated (DON’T TRY TO BE ONE, I must reiterate). I am a mom. It’s way better. I make the meanest grilled cheese on Atwood Street, play a wicked game of Cootie, can make a waffle cone out of Play-doh with the best of them, and in my daughter’s eyes, no one kisses an “owie” like I do. See you later red cape and blue boots….you’ve got nothing on me. If you feel the need to be a superhero, look at your baby. In his/her eyes, you already are one. Stop trying so hard.

       YOU.WILL.MAKE.MISTAKES. Can I get an “AMEN” from all the seasoned vets out there?! Should I repeat myself? You will make mistakes, and it is perfectly okay. This may be the teacher in me coming out a bit, but the only way you will learn is through those albeit scary mistakes. This journey, whether it is your first or twenty first, is new each time. Don’t be afraid to make a mistake, and admit it. Just to make you feel better, a little anecdote:

I can’t believe I am about to admit this one publically: At approximately one week old, Harper was lying on the couch napping when the phone rang. Because, at that point, my red cape and blue boots were at the forefront of my closet, I lept up to answer the phone. As soon as I did, Harper rolled off the couch and fell onto the floor. What did I learn? Don’t leap off the couch when your newborn is sleeping on it. Sounds like a no brainer, but as a sleep deprived, trying-to-do-it-all new mom, I wasn’t so adept at the “no brainers” of the first few weeks of my daughter’s life. There….one of my many mistakes. I guess that wasn’t so scary, and we all came out pretty unscathed.

 Make your mistakes, cry about them even (you have no idea how hard I did), and move on. Your child will survive even some of the scariest “mistakes”. After all, God chose you to be his/her mother. There’s a reason for that.

I hope some (or all) of this was helpful to you “new” moms out there. I hope some of you even got a good laugh out of it. I know how hard those can be to come by when your baby is screaming, you are trying to warm up a bottle, and the dog needs to be let out simultaneously. Also, if you spent your few precious moments of “me” time with me as you were reading, I thank you! Good luck, and believe me when I say it, you will be the BEST mom to your children.

24 Weeks: Confessions of a Pregnant Woman

I remember when I found out I was pregnant with Harper: I wanted to be the most well informed mother out there. I bought the books, read the pregnancy boards online, and picked anyone’s brain who would let me. Why am I telling you this? Essentially, I was the quintessential “first time mom”. I didn’t do anything unless it was by the book. And, what do you think I consulted if I was unsure of something? You got it… THE book!

Guess what has changed from that pregnancy to this one? No, not the book. But the location of the book is somewhat unknown to me……hmmm….I must be able to do this without it. Which brings me to the meat of this entry: the confessions. Did you know that women have been having babies for centuries?! Before there were books and internet boards?! Did you know that their children survived just fine?! Which brings me to Confession #1…

1.       “THE book” was a good resource, if needed, in my first pregnancy. What it should not be used as is a crutch…something to reference EACH DAY and on the hour. Now I consider it a waste of money. If you are a pregnant woman who is surrounded by mothers, DON’T BUY IT!!! You won’t need it. 

2.       Said book gave me a list of nutrients and foods that I needed to be eating daily and how many servings of each food. I did that when I was pregnant with Harper. Do you know what happened? I gained 25 pounds! I have NOT done that this time. Do you know what has happened? I have gained 6….that’s enough for me to consider sending it out with Tuesday’s recycling.

3.       By this time in my pregnancy, I had mine and Harper’s bags packed because “THE book” told me it was necessary this early. Now, I haven’t even thought about delivery. Woah….I must be a BUSY person who could care less what a group of authors tells me I need to be doing at this point in my pregnancy.

4.       I indulge my cravings, period. I don’t make myself wait because they may or may not be healthy. That just makes me want the item more and eat it in excess. If I want Keebler elf fudge filled cookies at 10:00 at night, I get them. Even if it means trekking to Meijer in the dark…..or making Mike do it.

5.       I let people do things for me. GASP!!!!!! What a concept! When I was pregnant with Harper, I HAD to do everything myself because I didn’t want to show weakness. Do you know what I learned? I was A. exhausted at the end of each day, and B. people only offer because they WANT to help! What a novel idea……

6.       If my house doesn’t get deep cleaned, or even partially cleaned every Sunday, the world does NOT stop! Holy cow! This has taken me some time to learn. However, the cleanliness of my house (and I assure you, this one is still a work in progress), will NOT make a difference in the health of my unborn child while in utero.

7.       I am six months pregnant. I move slower. GET OVER IT! Pass me: in the grocery store, on the sidewalk, wherever you may encounter me.

8.       Weight is redistributed when you are pregnant to allow for your bundle of joy to grow. While it may not be attractive to waddle, it is more comfortable. If you see me “waddling”, please don’t say anything. Pregnant women still don’t like to be told they’re doing it, even if it’s on purpose because it’s more comfortable. 

9.       I drive my husband crazy. And…I enjoy doing it. I know what pushes his buttons, and I push them. Now, this is probably not JUST a pregnancy confession. However, I find that pregnant women can get away with A WHOLE LOT MORE just by being pregnant. My advice to every pregnant woman….use this one to your advantage every now and again!

10.   Even though, “THE book” has been conveniently misplaced, I do have a phone app. that allows me to stay updated on how baby is growing. That part is super neat! If you don’t have one, get one!

11.   Said phone app. gives a produce reference each week as to the expected length of baby. I DO check those items out in the produce aisles just to see….

12.   Final confession: Because I am not so wrapped up in the “should’s, would’s and could’s” of pregnancy, I am thoroughly enjoying each relatively new experience.

I guess my biggest piece of advice to pregnant (and new) moms is this: If it makes you feel better to have a piece of reference material in your house, go ahead and buy it. Just do me a favor, don’t do everything by “THE book” because you are going to miss the little things and not enjoy your pregnancy or new baby.

In the meantime, “Little Man” as we are now affectionately referring to Baby Boy, is growing like a weed. He also makes his presence known on a daily AND nightly basis. That is my all time favorite part of pregnancy. I will miss it when he is finally here….

Okay, okay, one more confession (but this one snuck up on me due to the previous paragraph):

13.   It IS okay to miss being pregnant when your bundle of joy arrives. You spent the better part of a year being pregnant and enjoying things from the inside. Don’t feel guilty.