Waiting for the other shoe….

It’s been quite a while since my last post and for good reason. There is really nothing to update you on, at this point. My last post came after my final weekly visit with my OB and I have not seen her in almost a month. So, needless to say, there isn’t much news as far as baby is concerned.

However, I am playing an endless waiting game. For those of you that don’t know me well, I.HATE.WAITING. To say that is my least favorite thing to do would be an understatement. I don’t have the patience for waiting….for anything: my order at the drive thru window, a friend to arrive for a shopping trip, and certainly not for my next OB appointment.

I have not seen my doctor since right after Memorial Day, where I was issued a clean bill of health and sent on my wait to await my next appointment: June 25, 2012. That may seem like a very short amount of time to most, but to a woman who has experienced multiple losses, and who is in the midst of a high risk pregnancy, that month is an eternity. Not only that, we are due to find out the gender of our precious baby during that appointment (making the waiting even more excruciating!).

I was certain that the day I had to visit my doctor for my last weekly appointment would leave me feeling at ease and comfortable with the fact that I had overcome the first hurdle associated with this pregnancy, but in fact, I am left feeling just the opposite. Because I had been given reassurance weekly that baby was okay and growing properly, I now find myself increasingly anxious as to how baby is doing in the home I have prepared and nurtured for 17 weeks.

I have felt the first few “flutters” of baby’s movements and even a good jab or kick when baby gets mad at me for one reason or another. You would think that these tiny movements inside of me would be all of the reassurance I would need. They, in fact, are not. I need to see my baby and hear its tiny heartbeat. I have been through too much in the last year and a half to be anything less than anxious to see that baby is healthy and developing on schedule.

My poor husband….he is receiving the brunt of my anxiety. I eat, sleep, and breathe, the “what ifs” of this pregnancy. I’m hoping that puts me somewhere within the norm for a woman who has experienced all that I have. I am a mess most days, because the unknown is too much for me to bear. I have accomplished a lot so that I can simply keep my mind from wandering to the fateful ultrasound and appointment next week. But, it doesn’t make me easy to live with, I’ll tell you that. Through it all, he comforts me, calms my fears, and still manages to be a loving, doting husband and father. I couldn’t do it without him…..

So now, I wait. I wait for the ultrasound and appointment next week. I wait for the day I am finally in my third trimester. I wait to buy baby items (just in case). I wait for baby…Essentially, I am doing so much waiting, that what I’m really waiting for is the other shoe to drop. God willing, that won’t happen. Until I know for sure, please do me a simple favor: pray with me, pray for me, just pray that the other shoe won’t drop and all involved with come out of next week’s appointment unscathed and joyus.

My next post should reveal baby’s gender and be much more uplifting! Until then…thank you again for reading.