An Uncertain Future

It has been quite some time since my last post (almost three months). This is partially due to our ridiculously busy life and partially due to a very uncertain future where our fertility was concerned.

After determining the reason behind the loss of Baby#4, Haidyn, my doctor sent us to a fertility specialist in Flint. I was a little more than apprehensive. I was referred to the specialist the day we found out about Haidyn’s tiny heart no longer beating. It took me over a month to make the phone call for a simple intake appointment. Mike and I had a very simple plan for the conception of our children: Let God do the talking and use absolutely no invasive medical intervention. Was this doctor going to suggest IVF, infertility medications, and the like? I was NOT excited about that one bit, and neither was Mike.

Needless to say, we went to the appointment, anxious to hear what the doctor had to say. It was a cozy little office with a wonderful staff! We were not taken to an exam room but instead were sent to a room set up in a more family room fashion with furniture and shelves and shelves of medical journals. We felt comfortable immediately. A nurse came in and spoke with us about how our history would be handled and the general flow of the appointment. At no time did she mention any of those dirty medical terms that I was terrified of hearing.

The doctor came in and asked about our history. I hope your computer screen is super bright white because that’s about the color of my face when he asked me to relive my year of pure emotional hell. Luckily, Mike started our story so I didn’t have to. When I calmed down, I finally relived each miracle and loss in their chronological order, ending with the most recent, baby Haidyn. The doctor reassured me that since we had experienced two once-in-a-lifetime occurrences (blighted ovum and triploidy), he had absolutely no reason to believe we couldn’t carry a healthy baby to term. Also, given that we had done just that with Harper, and she was perfect, he said that luck (and science) were on our side.

Just to err on the side of caution, however, he wanted to perform some routine tests. I was to undergo a battery of blood tests as well as a saline sonogram. Mike was to have a semen analysis performed to make sure all of his “swimmers” were in perfect condition to undergo anything we were going to throw at them. We left with all of the paperwork needed to complete our individual tests as well as instructions on when/where to complete them. We left feeling hopeful that this would all work out in due time.

After our appointment, Mike and I sat down and did some real soul searching. We had a list of questions we needed to answer together: Was this what we wanted? Did we want to subject my body to more tests after all it had been through in the last year? Did we want to go through with the tests at all or let our original plan for God to give us children when He decided it was time? If given the go ahead, did we want to start planning for more children or wait? Needless to say, we made a lot of life changing decisions during a very intense conversation. Everything came down to this: God would give us more children when He knew it was time. We would stop worrying about it, but plan to give it at least a year before we thought about expanding our family. That last one was Mike’s doing. Given all we (and my body) had been through, he felt it necessary to give me time to heal physically and emotionally. If given the okay, he knew I would want to work on baby making ASAP. I love him even more for thinking of my well-being.

After our bout of soul (and baby) searching, we both came out on the other end basically unscathed. We were incredibly content with our decision to leave it up to God, but wait a year before bringing up “baby talk” again. What a relief. The last year had been so incredibly stressful on both of us that it felt good to give this up to God and let Him guide us through this very uncertain, somewhat rocky journey.

After all of this was said and done, it was almost time for Mike and I to both have our respective tests performed, and we were still a little anxious about the tests themselves and the results that would inevitably decide our course of action for future miracles. We were unable to complete our tests as scheduled due to a little something that got in the way.

Stay tuned for my next post! Trust me, you won’t want to miss it!!